Weekend Reading: How to Be a Woman
March 30, 2015 § Leave a comment
March 30, 2015
I was definitely trying to contain my giggling and snorting while reading this book at the pedicure salon. Moran’s essays on such subjects as the trap women have fallen into of spending time and money on waxing and wearing inadequate underwear are painfully hilarious:
“A man may think, I have a party next week. I’d better roughly scrub my face before I tootle on out the door.
A woman, on the other hand, will call up the calendar in her head—like the midair screens in Minority Report—and start a cycle of furious planning, based around hair management.”
Um, guilty. Only I get out my scary day planner.
“A case in point: a few months ago, I was on a crowded tube with a friend of mine, who gradually grew paler and quieter until she finally leaned forward and admitted that her knickers were so skimpy, her front bottom had eaten them entirely. . . . Clearly, this is not right. Jesus Christ. Underpants like this need to be bombed back to the Stone Age. Batman doesn’t have to put up with this shit—why should we?”
Thank you. If a pair of panties doesn’t provide ass coverage, I ain’t buying it.
And here is my favorite bit on the ludicrousness of proclaiming to not be a feminist:
“What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of ‘liberation for women’ is not for you? Is it the freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? ‘Vogue’ by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES?”
Couldn’t have said it better myself.